The Impact of Invalidation: Why It Hurts and What You Can Do About It
Have you ever opened up to someone—shared your feelings, frustrations, or fears—only to be met with a response that left you feeling small, dramatic, or just…wrong for feeling how you feel?
That’s invalidation.
It can be subtle or overt, well-meaning or harsh. And over time, it can deeply affect how we view ourselves, how safe we feel in relationships, and even how we regulate our emotions.
In this post, we’ll explore what invalidation really is, why people do it (often without realizing it), and how it impacts your mental and emotional well-being. We’ll also link to practical next steps, including how to start validating yourself and setting boundaries when others aren’t supportive.
What Is Invalidation?
Invalidation happens when someone communicates—directly or indirectly—that your thoughts, feelings, or experiences are wrong, excessive, or don’t make sense. It’s the opposite of feeling heard and accepted.
Examples of invalidation might include:
“You’re overreacting.”
“That didn’t really happen like that.”
“You should be over it by now.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
Invalidation disguised as “support…”
Sometimes it sounds supportive, but still sends the message that your emotions aren’t welcome:
“Just stay positive!”
“It’s not worth getting upset about.”
“You’re too sensitive—you’ve got to toughen up.”
While the words may vary, the message is the same: Your inner experience doesn’t matter here. Or: Your inner experience is wrong.
Why Do People Invalidate Others?
Often, it’s not malicious. In fact, many people invalidate others without realizing they’re doing it. Here are some common (and very human) reasons:
Discomfort with emotions: Some people were never taught how to sit with uncomfortable feelings, so they try to shut them down—yours and their own.
Desire to “fix it”: Invalidation often shows up when someone wants to solve your problem instead of sitting with your pain. They may rush to advice because they feel helpless.
Cultural or generational norms: Many of us were raised in environments that taught us to toughen up, move on, or minimize our emotional needs.
Defensiveness: If someone feels blamed or ashamed by your feelings, they might invalidate you to protect themselves.
Fawn response: Sometimes, we invalidate ourselves in order to maintain peace in a relationship where expressing needs feels risky.
Even when unintentional, the impact of invalidation is real—and it can leave lasting emotional bruises.
Why Does Invalidation Hurt So Much?
Humans are wired for connection and emotional attunement. When you share something vulnerable and it’s dismissed, your nervous system may interpret that as relational danger.
Over time, repeated invalidation can lead to:
Chronic self-doubt: You start questioning whether your emotions are trustworthy.
Emotional suppression: You might learn to disconnect from your feelings entirely to avoid being judged.
Difficulty trusting others: If sharing leads to pain, it becomes safer to stay silent or guarded.
Fawning or people-pleasing patterns: You may shrink your needs to keep relationships intact.
Internalized shame: You begin to believe your feelings are “too much” or that something is wrong with you.
From a polyvagal perspective, invalidation can shift your nervous system into a dorsal vagal state (shutdown) or sympathetic state (fight/flight), especially if it mimics emotional neglect or criticism from earlier life experiences.
What Are Some Signs You’ve Been Repeatedly Invalidated?
You might not notice it right away. In fact, many people don’t realize they’ve been experiencing chronic invalidation until they begin therapy or start reflecting on emotional patterns in their relationships.
Here are a few signs of invalidation:
You apologize often for having feelings.
You struggle to explain or even identify what you’re feeling.
You second-guess yourself constantly, even about minor things.
You feel unsafe or anxious when opening up to others.
You minimize your experiences (“It wasn’t that bad” or “Other people have it worse”).
You feel unseen in relationships, even if you're deeply connected.
If you recognize yourself here, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your emotional truth has been neglected—and it’s time to reclaim it.
How Can I Recover From Invalidation?
Healing from invalidation starts with two key practices:
Learning to validate yourself
Setting boundaries with people who continue to dismiss your experience
Start by Validating Your Own Feelings
You don't have to wait for others to give you permission to feel. Self-validation is the process of saying: “What I feel is real. What I feel makes sense.”
Even if no one else gets it.
You can learn how to do this in our post: How to Practice Self-Validation
Inside, you’ll find specific examples and phrases you can begin using today to affirm your emotional experience—without shame or second-guessing.
Set Boundaries to Protect Your Emotional Space
Once you start honoring your emotions internally, the next step is to create external boundaries to support them.
That might sound like:
“I’m not looking for advice right now—I just need someone to hear me.”
“When I share something hard and it’s brushed off, it hurts. I need space for my feelings to be taken seriously.”
“If we can’t talk about this in a respectful way, I’m going to take some time for myself.”
What If I Invalidate Myself?
This is more common than you might think—especially if you grew up in an environment where your feelings were minimized, dismissed, or punished.
Self-invalidation can sound like:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I’m being dramatic.”
“I should be over this by now.”
“It’s probably my fault anyway.”
The good news? These patterns are learned—and they can be unlearned. Working with a therapist can help you begin to shift these internal messages, reconnect with your body’s wisdom, and start trusting your emotional experience again.
Reclaim Your Voice and Emotional Truth
You deserve to be heard. You deserve to feel what you feel, to express it safely, and to be in relationships where your emotions are treated with care—not dismissed as “too much.”
Healing from invalidation takes time, support, and practice—but you don’t have to do it alone.
Therapy Can Help You Heal from Invalidation
At Aspire Counseling, our compassionate team of Missouri therapists is here to help you rebuild trust with yourself and others. Whether you're recovering from years of emotional invalidation or learning to set boundaries for the first time, we can walk with you as you reconnect with your emotional truth.
We offer free 30-minute consultations to help you find the right therapist for your needs.
Reach out and call our client care team today to get started.
About the Author
Jessica Tappana, LCSW, is the founder and clinical director of Aspire Counseling which has physical counseling offices in Columbia & Lee’s Summit, MO as well as serving clients throughout Missouri with online counseling services. She specializes in helping clients reclaim their voice, navigate complex relationship dynamics, and heal from trauma and anxiety using evidence-based, compassion-centered approaches. Jessica believe in the power of psychotherapy to empower clients to transform their own lives and is passionate about supporting people as they learn to validate themselves and create more emotionally fulfilling lives.
